The Happy Hooker???

So last week I told you that I had started going to a crochet class with my mother at my local high school. My motivation for learning crochet? In order to finish this baby sweater, which just needs a crochet edging to be done.

It's the cute little baby sweater in Beginner Basics from Vogue Knitting's On the Go series. I made it with Karabella's Aurora 8, and I bought the cutest buttons for it at The Point, but without the edging, I can't finish it.

So, after two out of the four sessions, I've learned how to chain, single crochet, and double crochet with relative ease, and before we're done I will know how to do the reverse single crochet I need for this sweater. We've even started doing a granny square. The granny square only took me an hour of starting-frogging-starting-frogging... but I'm starting to get the the idea.

However, in my first class I also learned some unexpected things from (and about) the woman teaching this course (my reaction to these is in blue):

• Apparently, gauge is kind of optional. (What?) Just use whatever hook feels comfortable. (Uh...)
• She hates knitting. She can do it, but the two needles are just too much to deal with. (Too much to deal with?)
• See this common knitting accessory below? It's a stitch marker. (HUH?!?!?!?)

• Crocheting is an affordable hobby. (Have you calculated the cost of a sweater made with Manos del Uruguay? Hellllooo!?!?!?!)
• At the start of the first class she gave each of us a skein of Caron's One Pound yarn, a Boye aluminum crochet hook (It's acrylic, and it sqeaks as I make stitches. Eeeeyew!), and some pages xeroxed from a learn-to-crochet book (apparently she's not aware of a thing called COPYRIGHT).

As much as I wanted to blurt out "what the hell are you talking about," I behaved myself and figured I'd set my mother straight later on. And then, just when I thought, "Stitch marker?!?!? What is this woman doing teaching this class? Well, as long as I can learn the basics I'll stick with it..." the following exchange took place in class:

student: "What do you like best about crocheting?"
instructor: "I find it very relaxing."
student: "When did you start crocheting?"
instructor: "Oh, about four years ago. Right after 9-11. My husband was involved in the recovery effort."
student: "Oh..."
instructor: "He's a K-9 cop. I found it really helped me reduce stress."

She pulled the 9-11 card. Unintenionally, of course, but now, I'm feeling like a big jerk. I can't pick on her. That would make me a bad person.

And so, what have I learned about myself?

• Value bulk acrylic does not make me happy. IT SQUEAKS! (Of course, I'm sure I could find something nice on a cone from Web's.)
• I am a yarn snob. There, I've said it.
• I've got two more weeks to bite my tongue--and hide the Vesper sock yarn from this woman. She wouldn't understand...

But come on... a stitch marker?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?