Thursday, September 29, 2005

The Happy Hooker???

So last week I told you that I had started going to a crochet class with my mother at my local high school. My motivation for learning crochet? In order to finish this baby sweater, which just needs a crochet edging to be done.

It's the cute little baby sweater in Beginner Basics from Vogue Knitting's On the Go series. I made it with Karabella's Aurora 8, and I bought the cutest buttons for it at The Point, but without the edging, I can't finish it.

So, after two out of the four sessions, I've learned how to chain, single crochet, and double crochet with relative ease, and before we're done I will know how to do the reverse single crochet I need for this sweater. We've even started doing a granny square. The granny square only took me an hour of starting-frogging-starting-frogging... but I'm starting to get the the idea.

However, in my first class I also learned some unexpected things from (and about) the woman teaching this course (my reaction to these is in blue):

  • Apparently, gauge is kind of optional. (What?) Just use whatever hook feels comfortable. (Uh...)
  • She hates knitting. She can do it, but the two needles are just too much to deal with. (Too much to deal with?)
  • See this common knitting accessory below? It's a stitch marker. (HUH?!?!?!?)

  • Crocheting is an affordable hobby. (Have you calculated the cost of a sweater made with Manos del Uruguay? Hellllooo!?!?!?!)
  • At the start of the first class she gave each of us a skein of Caron's One Pound yarn, a Boye aluminum crochet hook (It's acrylic, and it sqeaks as I make stitches. Eeeeyew!), and some pages xeroxed from a learn-to-crochet book (apparently she's not aware of a thing called COPYRIGHT).

As much as I wanted to blurt out "what the hell are you talking about," I behaved myself and figured I'd set my mother straight later on. And then, just when I thought, "Stitch marker?!?!? What is this woman doing teaching this class? Well, as long as I can learn the basics I'll stick with it..." the following exchange took place in class:

student: "What do you like best about crocheting?"
instructor: "I find it very relaxing."
student: "When did you start crocheting?"
instructor: "Oh, about four years ago. Right after 9-11. My husband was involved in the recovery effort."
student: "Oh..."
instructor: "He's a K-9 cop. I found it really helped me reduce stress."

She pulled the 9-11 card. Unintenionally, of course, but now, I'm feeling like a big jerk. I can't pick on her. That would make me a bad person.

And so, what have I learned about myself?

  • Value bulk acrylic does not make me happy. IT SQUEAKS! (Of course, I'm sure I could find something nice on a cone from Web's.)
  • I am a yarn snob. There, I've said it.
  • I've got two more weeks to bite my tongue--and hide the Vesper sock yarn from this woman. She wouldn't understand...

But come on... a stitch marker?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

3 comments:

Cassie said...

I have to admit, her statements (and your reactions) gave me a few laughs. Especially when I saw the 'stitch marker'. A little bit of knowledge can be a dangerous thing. In your case, I'm willing to bet you know as much as the instructor.

Carole said...

Squeaky yarn? Oh gross!

elsie said...

Perfect summary post of the live version you shared with me the other day. (Although I think you used some stronger language in person....) :)